All posts by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen

I Don’t Have Any Goals

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Lately, I’ve realized something profound about the way I want to live my life—at least for now. For so long, my days were filled with plans, objectives, and to-do lists. I meticulously mapped out every detail of my life, from the meals I would cook to the next three years of my future. My energy was spent chasing outcomes and accomplishments. Every action had a purpose, and every moment was tied to a result.

But now, I’ve come to a different phase. I no longer crave the satisfaction of achieving something or the highs that come with completing a goal. I don’t want to feel the pressure to create, produce, or even feel euphoric about anything. I just want to exist—to experience life without expectation, without striving for a result, and without the constant need to feel something monumental.

At first, this shift was confusing and difficult to name. It felt like walking in the middle of the dark, unsure of what I was searching for or why I was even feeling this way. I wondered if I was being lazy or unmotivated, unable to label what I was experiencing. There was no clear vocabulary or framework to describe it. All I knew was that something inside me was changing.

At work, I’m still effective, organized, and goal-driven because that’s the nature of my responsibilities. But once I step through the door of my home, I long for the opposite. I want to let go of plans and agendas. I don’t want to make music or write because those things still come with an expectation of “feeling good” or achieving something creative. I don’t want to feel like I have to do anything extraordinary or meaningful. I just want peace—a state of calm that isn’t high or low, but steady and neutral.

Living without goals doesn’t mean I’m lazy or unmotivated. It means I’m giving myself the gift of being present. It means I’m learning to appreciate the quiet moments of life that don’t need to build toward anything. It’s like finding solace in simply existing, without chasing after what’s next.

This phase feels unfamiliar, even strange at times, like stepping into uncharted territory. But it’s a part of my journey. A life without goals, without expectations, is not empty—it’s freeing. It’s a space where I can breathe, let go of the need to achieve, and finally find rest.

Choosing Deeper Connections Over Companionship

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Today, I reconnected with an old friend. It’s been months since I allowed myself any real social connection. I’ve been on what I call a retreat—time spent in solitude, away from distractions, and the noise of the world. In this quiet space, I’ve been learning to understand myself better.

As we talked about life, love, and relationships, we both found ourselves reflecting on a truth we now share: we no longer want to settle. There’s a difference—an important one—between companionship and a deeper connection.

Companionship is easy to find. It’s the presence of someone—anyone—who fills the silence and offers a surface-level comfort. It’s having someone around just so you don’t feel alone. It’s a distraction from the parts of yourself you don’t want to face. It’s settling, because the alternative—being alone—feels uncomfortable.

But a deeper connection? That’s rare. It’s not about having someone beside you; it’s about having someone with you, truly. A person who sees you for who you are, who respects your essence, who aligns with your values and intentions. It’s about being able to sit in silence with someone and still feel understood. It’s the difference between sharing space and sharing your soul.

We realized that many people enter relationships out of fear—the fear of loneliness, of emptiness, of not being wanted. But fear isn’t love. And companionship without connection leaves you just as alone, perhaps even lonelier, because it keeps you from discovering the richness of being whole on your own.

This conversation made me appreciate how far I’ve come. I used to believe that love meant never being alone, that I needed someone’s presence to feel complete. But now, I know better. I don’t fear being alone anymore. I’ve found a certain peace in solitude, and from this place, I can see what truly matters.

A deeper connection doesn’t come from a need to fill a void. It comes when two people who are already whole find each other, not to complete one another, but to grow together. It’s not about settling for someone who’s simply there. It’s about choosing someone who touches you on a level that companionship never could.

I’m learning to honor the most important relationship I’ll ever have: the one with myself.

Because I deserve more than just companionship. I deserve a connection that feels like coming home.