All posts by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen

Amor Fati: Loving Your Fate

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“Amor fati” is a Latin phrase that means “love of fate.” It’s a powerful idea that encourages us to accept and even love everything that happens in our lives, whether good or bad. By learning to embrace our fate, we can find peace and strength in dealing with life’s ups and downs.

Where Did It Come From?

The idea of amor fati comes from ancient philosophy, especially from the Stoics like Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and Seneca. These philosophers believed that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it. They thought that wisdom comes from accepting life as it is.

Later, the 19th-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche took this idea further. He believed that loving our fate, even the tough parts, helps us live more fully and authentically. Nietzsche saw it as a way to turn our struggles into sources of strength.

What Does It Mean?

At its heart, amor fati means loving all parts of your life, even the difficult ones. Here are some key ideas that explain this concept:

1.  Accepting Reality: Amor fati encourages us to accept the world as it is, rather than wishing it were different. This acceptance can bring inner peace because it reduces the conflict between what we want and what actually is.

2.  Building Resilience: By loving our fate, we become stronger in the face of challenges. Instead of being defeated by difficulties, we see them as chances to grow and learn.

3.  Positive Thinking: Amor fati helps us to look at life positively. Even when things go wrong, we see them as necessary parts of our journey that help us grow.

4.  No Regrets: Embracing fate means letting go of regrets about the past. This frees us to live fully in the present and make the most of each moment without being weighed down by what might have been.

How Can We Practice It?

Incorporating amor fati into our daily lives can change how we view and handle challenges. Here are some simple ways to practice this philosophy:

1.  Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps us stay present and fully experience each moment. This practice can help us accept life as it happens, without fighting against it.

2.  Gratitude: Being grateful for all experiences, good and bad, helps us see their value. Recognizing that each event contributes to our growth can change how we view challenges.

3.  Reframing: When something negative happens, try to see it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation and how it can make you stronger.

4.  Letting Go: Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot. This practice can help reduce stress and bring more peace into your life.

Amor fati is more than just a philosophical idea; it’s a way of living that helps us embrace the full range of human experiences. By accepting and loving our fate, we can find peace and purpose, turning life’s challenges into opportunities for growth. In a world where we often try to control everything, amor fati offers a refreshing and freeing way to live more authentically and fully.

Why Waiting for Your Partner’s Call or Text Makes You Feel Sick

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Have you ever found yourself anxiously waiting for your partner’s call or text, then you start feeling physically sick? Maybe your stomach churns, your heart races, and you feel like you can’t breathe. This distressing experience is more common than you might think and can be deeply unsettling. Understanding why this happens and what you can do about it can make a big difference in your emotional and physical well-being.

The Connection Between Waiting and Anxiety

When you’re emotionally invested in a relationship, waiting for your partner to reach out can be an emotional rollercoaster. The anticipation and uncertainty can trigger intense anxiety, especially if you’re unsure about their feelings or the status of the relationship. This anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms such as:

•   Stomachaches: The gut is highly sensitive to emotional stress, often leading to discomfort or pain.
•   Rapid Heartbeat: Anxiety triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, causing your heart to beat faster.
•   Shortness of Breath: Stress can make it feel harder to breathe as your body reacts to perceived danger.
•   Panic Attacks: Severe anxiety can escalate into panic attacks, which include symptoms like sweating, shaking, and an overwhelming sense of fear.

Understanding Anxious Attachment Style

One significant factor contributing to this intense reaction is an anxious attachment style. Attachment styles are patterns of how we form emotional bonds and interact in relationships, often developed in early childhood. People with an anxious attachment style tend to:

•   Crave Closeness and Reassurance: They need frequent validation and assurance from their partners.
•   Fear Rejection and Abandonment: They are often worried about being left or not being loved enough.
•   Overthink and Ruminate: They may spend a lot of time thinking about potential problems in the relationship.

If you have an anxious attachment style, waiting for a call or text from your partner can feel like a test of their love and commitment. The lack of immediate response might trigger deep-seated fears of abandonment or rejection, causing a cascade of anxious thoughts and physical symptoms.

Why You Feel This Way

Several factors contribute to the anxiety you feel while waiting for your partner’s call or text:

1.  Emotional Dependence: Relying heavily on your partner for emotional validation can make their actions (or inactions) profoundly impact your emotional state.
2.  Unresolved Conflicts: Past arguments or unresolved issues in the relationship can amplify your anxiety, as these underlying tensions resurface when you’re left waiting.
3.  Testing Boundaries: Sometimes, you might decide to wait for them to call to see if they care enough to reach out. This “test” can create significant stress as you await their response.

How Unresolved Conflicts Amplify Anxiety

Unresolved conflicts in your relationship can significantly exacerbate your anxiety. These conflicts might stem from:

•   Misunderstandings: Past misunderstandings that were never clarified can linger in your mind, causing worry and insecurity.
•   Unmet Needs: If your emotional needs have not been addressed or met, waiting for a call can remind you of this unfulfilled aspect of the relationship.
•   Communication Issues: If communication has been poor or inconsistent, the lack of a call can feel like a continuation of this pattern, heightening your anxiety.

Strategies to Cope with Anxiety

Dealing with this anxiety involves both understanding your attachment style and adopting practical strategies to manage your emotional response:

1.  Practice Grounding Techniques: Engage in deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation to calm your mind and body.
•   Deep Breathing: Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat until you feel calmer.
•   Mindfulness Meditation: Focus on the present moment, observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
2.  Stay Busy: Distract yourself with activities that you enjoy. Exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends can keep your mind occupied and reduce anxiety.
3.  Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself of your worth and value outside of the relationship. Use affirmations to boost your self-esteem and reinforce your self-worth.
4.  Set Boundaries: Clearly define your emotional boundaries and communicate your needs openly with your partner. Let them know how their communication habits affect you.

5.  Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings. External support can provide perspective and emotional relief.

6.  Limit Contact: Reduce your dependency on your partner’s actions for your emotional well-being. Focus on building your self-reliance and self-love.

7.  Professional Help: If your anxiety feels overwhelming and persistent, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can offer strategies and therapies to manage anxiety effectively.

Feeling anxious and physically unwell while waiting for your partner’s call or text is a challenging experience, often linked to an anxious attachment style and unresolved conflicts. Understanding the roots of your anxiety and implementing strategies to cope can help you regain control over your emotions and improve your overall well-being. By focusing on self-care, healthy communication, and addressing unresolved issues, you can reduce the impact of these distressing feelings and build a stronger, more secure relationship.