Trauma Bond Awareness Quiz

1. I make excuses for my partner’s behavior, even when it’s clearly abusive.

2. I feel a strong sense of loyalty to my partner, despite the harm they cause me.

3. I believe that the abuse is my fault and that I can fix things by changing my behavior.

4. I feel elated when my partner gives me positive attention, even if it’s after a period of abuse.

5. I often downplay the severity of the abuse or deny that it happened.

6. I feel like I cannot leave the relationship, no matter how bad it gets.

7. I have an intense fear of being abandoned by my partner.

8. I neglect my own needs and well-being to prioritize my partner’s needs.

9. I find myself constantly thinking about my partner and the relationship.

10. I feel responsible for my partner’s emotions and actions.

11. I withdraw from social activities and relationships with others because of my partner.

12. I experience conflicting emotions, such as love and hate, towards my partner.

13. I hold onto hope that my partner will change, despite repeated cycles of abuse.

14. I feel trapped and believe there is no way out of the relationship.

15. I have physical symptoms like insomnia, headaches, or digestive issues due to the stress from the relationship.

16. I rationalize my partner’s abusive behavior by blaming external factors (e.g., stress, alcohol, work).

17. I feel a sense of loyalty to my partner that makes it difficult to leave, even though I am unhappy.

18. I minimize my own experiences of abuse and tell myself it’s not that bad.

19. I am constantly trying to please my partner and avoid conflict.

20. I feel guilty for even thinking about leaving the relationship.

21. I prioritize my partner’s needs and happiness over my own.

22. I believe that if I change my behavior, my partner will stop being abusive.

23. I feel a sense of relief or joy when my partner shows me affection after being abusive.

24. I make excuses for my partner’s behavior to friends and family.

25. I feel isolated from friends and family because of my relationship.

26. I often feel confused about my emotions and have difficulty understanding how I feel about my partner.

27. I feel like I need my partner’s approval and validation to feel good about myself.

28. I experience anxiety and fear about my partner’s reactions or moods.

29. I have a hard time imagining my life without my partner, even though the relationship is harmful.

30. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around my partner.

31. I believe that my partner’s abusive behavior is a result of their difficult past or trauma.

32. I feel responsible for my partner’s happiness and well-being.

33. I downplay or hide the abuse when talking to others.

34. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about my relationship because they won’t understand.

35. I believe that my partner’s love is worth enduring the abuse.

36. I feel like I am addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship.

37. I feel like I am losing my sense of self and identity in the relationship.

38. I find myself defending my partner’s actions, even when they are clearly wrong.

39. I experience mood swings and emotional instability because of the relationship.

40. I feel a strong need to protect my partner, even at the expense of my own well-being.

41. I believe that I am the only one who can help my partner change.

42. I feel intense anxiety or panic at the thought of leaving my partner.

43. I have lost interest in activities and hobbies I used to enjoy.

44. I feel like my partner’s needs and problems are more important than my own.

45. I experience frequent nightmares or flashbacks related to the abuse.

46. I feel like I am constantly trying to prove my love and worth to my partner.

47. I feel a deep sense of shame about my relationship and the abuse I am enduring.

48. I believe that no one else could ever love me or understand me like my partner does.

49. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle of abuse and cannot break free.

50. I often think about leaving my partner but feel unable to take action.

This Conflict Response Self-Assessment Test is designed to help you understand your default reactions during conflicts. By reflecting on how you typically respond, you can gain insights into areas where you may need improvement and learn to manage conflicts more effectively. Answer each question honestly to get the most accurate results.

How to Rate

Rate each statement on a scale from 1 to 5, where:

1 = Strongly Disagree

2 = Disagree

3 = Neutral

4 = Agree

5 = Strongly Agree

Conflict Response Self-Assessment Test

Conflict Self-Reflection Questionnaire

1. I often feel blamed during conflicts.

2. I feel the need to defend myself when conflicts arise.

3. I stay quiet to avoid escalating the conflict.

4. I tend to yell to make myself heard during arguments.

5. I suppress my feelings to prevent further conflict.

6. I use sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments when I’m upset.

7. I distance myself when I sense something is wrong.

8. I go silent when someone brings up a complaint about me.

9. I cry when conflicts become too overwhelming.

10. I become defensive and try to justify my actions.

11. I interrupt or talk over the other person during a conflict.

12. I minimize the other person’s feelings during disagreements.

13. I hold onto grudges and bring up past conflicts.

14. I focus on winning the argument rather than resolving the issue.

15. I use absolutes like “always” or “never” in arguments.

16. I seek validation from others outside the conflict.

17. I feel overwhelmed or anxious during conflicts.

18. I use humor or sarcasm to deflect serious issues.

19. I shut down emotionally and become unresponsive.

20. I feel the need to be right and prove my point.

21. I feel misunderstood or unheard during conflicts.

22. I feel physically tense or uncomfortable during arguments.

23. I avoid conflicts altogether to prevent potential issues.

24. I struggle to articulate my thoughts and feelings clearly.

25. I hold back to avoid further conflict or hurting the other person.

26. I immediately seek a resolution or compromise.

27. I find it difficult to apologize even when I know I’m wrong.

28. I often blame others for my reactions during conflicts.

29. I hide my true feelings and who I am during disagreements.

30. I find it hard to forgive myself for past mistakes.

31. I tend to replay conflicts in my mind after they occur.

32. I feel a need to control the conversation during arguments.

33. I often feel anxious about potential conflicts.

34. I believe my viewpoint is the most logical during disagreements.

35. I avoid discussing certain topics to prevent conflict.

36. I feel drained or exhausted after conflicts.

37. I tend to accuse others of not listening to me.

38. I feel resentful even after the conflict is resolved.

39. I believe my feelings are more valid than the other person’s.

40. I find it hard to stay calm during heated arguments.

41. I often think about what I should have said after the conflict is over.

42. I believe conflicts are a waste of time.

43. I use silence as a weapon during disagreements.

44. I feel relieved when the conflict is over, regardless of the outcome.

45. I think less of myself if I lose an argument.

46. I believe it’s better to avoid conflict than to face it.

47. I feel proud if I manage to stay calm during a conflict.

48. I tend to ruminate on conflicts for days.

49. I prefer to resolve conflicts quickly, even if it means compromising too much.

50. I feel a sense of accomplishment when a conflict is resolved peacefully.

Explanation of the Results

Conflict Avoidance: High scores (21-35) indicate a tendency to avoid or withdraw from conflicts. Lower scores (7-20) suggest you are more likely to face conflicts head-on.

Defensive Reactions: High scores (21-35) suggest you often become defensive during conflicts. Lower scores (7-20) indicate a more open and less defensive stance.

Emotional Responses: High scores (21-35) reflect strong emotional reactions during conflicts. Lower scores (7-20) indicate more controlled emotional responses.

Communication Issues: High scores (21-35) highlight challenges in effective communication during conflicts. Lower scores (7-20) suggest better communication skills during disagreements.

Self-Reflection and Accountability: High scores (24-40) indicate difficulty in taking accountability and reflecting on your actions. Lower scores (8-23) suggest a higher level of self-awareness and accountability.

Conflict Resolution Skills: High scores (27-45) demonstrate a positive approach to resolving conflicts. Lower scores (9-26) indicate areas for improvement in conflict resolution strategies.

These results can provide valuable insights into your conflict management style and highlight areas where you can work towards more constructive and effective conflict resolution.

References

Thomas, K. W., & Kilmann, R. H. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. Tuxedo, NY: Xicom, Inc.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishers.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.
Stone, D., Patton, B., & Heen, S. (2010). Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Penguin Books.
Bolton, R. (1986). People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts. New York: Touchstone.

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Trauma Bond Quiz