Tag Archives: love

Unconditional

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Yesterday, I had the privilege of spending time with a dear friend and witnessing a love I hadn’t seen in years. We drove together to her home, and as her husband opened the door, he greeted her with a kiss and a warm embrace. He gently took her bag, a simple yet profound gesture that spoke volumes. It wasn’t just an action—it was an unspoken expression of their enduring love. Immediately, I could feel the warmth of their home.

My friend looked serene, like someone who had built a life of stability and affection. There was a quiet confidence about her—a sense of security and belonging. Her home wasn’t just filled with furniture or décor; it radiated a deeper connection, a tangible atmosphere of safety, harmony, and love.

Over dinner, I couldn’t help but observe the way they interacted. Their dynamic was understated yet powerful. A touch on the hand here, a shared glance there—it was clear their love wasn’t just a memory from their youth. It was alive, flourishing, and deeply rooted in their present. They shared stories, supported each other’s words, and carried a harmony that only time and mutual respect could build.

After dinner, my friend excused herself and returned with an old album filled with photographs from their wedding day. She opened it with care, as if holding a precious treasure. The pictures revealed a stunning glimpse into their past—young, radiant, and deeply in love. Their wedding was a grand celebration: 600 guests, a nine-layer cake, and a parade featuring a traditional band.

One of the most meaningful rituals she explained was the symbolic movement of the engagement ring. On the wedding day, the engagement ring is moved to the other hand, marking the transition from engagement to marriage. This gesture, deeply rooted in their traditions, symbolizes the eternal bond of marriage and the unbreakable unity between the couple. It’s a beautiful reminder that love is not just an emotion but a commitment to walk life’s path together.

Looking at those photographs, I realized something extraordinary. The love captured in those images hadn’t faded with time. It was the same love I had just witnessed at dinner—unchanged, enduring, and thriving despite life’s inevitable challenges. My friend pointed to a photo of their vows, her voice soft yet filled with emotion, as she explained the traditions and significance behind their wedding.

For a moment, I felt as if I had been part of their wedding. My friend showed me photos of their family and friends, each picture telling a story of connection and belonging. Their love wasn’t just between them—it extended to their community, their family, and even to those of us lucky enough to witness it.

The Absence of Unconditional Love

On my way home, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had seen. It was a kind of love I had never experienced in my own life. My relationships, though filled with fleeting moments of happiness, had been conditional. They ended with arguments, unmet expectations, or superficial gestures mistaken for connection.

I remembered one relationship where a single disagreement led to a breakup. Another where I gave more than I received, hoping it would one day be enough. Reflecting on my past, I realized that I had never been in a relationship built on unconditional love—the kind of steadfast partnership my friend and her husband shared. Their love endured through sickness, struggles, and the passage of time.

Dr. Erich Fromm, in his book The Art of Loving, describes unconditional love as “an act of will and commitment to nurture, protect, and understand another human being without expectation of reward.” This is the kind of love I witnessed—a love rooted in respect, empathy, and daily actions rather than fleeting emotions or grandiose gestures.

The Depth of Realization

This realization wasn’t easy to confront. It made me reflect deeply on the patterns in my life—how I had romanticized love, overlooked red flags, and stayed in relationships that lacked mutual respect. I had mistaken attention for care, words for action, and fleeting passion for something lasting.

I understood that the absence of unconditional love in my relationships wasn’t entirely about the people I chose. It also stemmed from within me—a lack of understanding of what I deserved and a habit of seeking validation outside of myself.

A New Understanding

The love I witnessed wasn’t perfect, but it was real. It wasn’t about perfection or grand displays. It was about showing up every day, even when it wasn’t easy. My friend and her husband weren’t just partners in love; they were partners in life, and that was something I had never seen so clearly before.

This realization left me with a sense of calm and clarity. I finally understood what was missing in my past and what I needed to build within myself. Unconditional love isn’t just something to receive—it’s something to give, starting with myself.

Seeing their love, I felt both inspired and humbled. It reminded me that love, in its truest form, isn’t about conditions or perfection but about enduring through life’s imperfections. And that realization has become a cornerstone for how I view relationships moving forward.

Final Thoughts

As I sat in the quiet of my home, I thought about how love shapes us—not just the love we receive, but the love we give. In that moment, I realized that understanding unconditional love starts with embracing the imperfections of life, letting go of what no longer serves us, and building something genuine and enduring.

I closed my eyes, holding onto the memory of that day, knowing that love, in its truest form, is something worth striving for—even if it starts within myself.

Why Waiting for Your Partner’s Call or Text Makes You Feel Sick

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Have you ever found yourself anxiously waiting for your partner’s call or text, then you start feeling physically sick? Maybe your stomach churns, your heart races, and you feel like you can’t breathe. This distressing experience is more common than you might think and can be deeply unsettling. Understanding why this happens and what you can do about it can make a big difference in your emotional and physical well-being.

The Connection Between Waiting and Anxiety

When you’re emotionally invested in a relationship, waiting for your partner to reach out can be an emotional rollercoaster. The anticipation and uncertainty can trigger intense anxiety, especially if you’re unsure about their feelings or the status of the relationship. This anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms such as:

•   Stomachaches: The gut is highly sensitive to emotional stress, often leading to discomfort or pain.
•   Rapid Heartbeat: Anxiety triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, causing your heart to beat faster.
•   Shortness of Breath: Stress can make it feel harder to breathe as your body reacts to perceived danger.
•   Panic Attacks: Severe anxiety can escalate into panic attacks, which include symptoms like sweating, shaking, and an overwhelming sense of fear.

Understanding Anxious Attachment Style

One significant factor contributing to this intense reaction is an anxious attachment style. Attachment styles are patterns of how we form emotional bonds and interact in relationships, often developed in early childhood. People with an anxious attachment style tend to:

•   Crave Closeness and Reassurance: They need frequent validation and assurance from their partners.
•   Fear Rejection and Abandonment: They are often worried about being left or not being loved enough.
•   Overthink and Ruminate: They may spend a lot of time thinking about potential problems in the relationship.

If you have an anxious attachment style, waiting for a call or text from your partner can feel like a test of their love and commitment. The lack of immediate response might trigger deep-seated fears of abandonment or rejection, causing a cascade of anxious thoughts and physical symptoms.

Why You Feel This Way

Several factors contribute to the anxiety you feel while waiting for your partner’s call or text:

1.  Emotional Dependence: Relying heavily on your partner for emotional validation can make their actions (or inactions) profoundly impact your emotional state.
2.  Unresolved Conflicts: Past arguments or unresolved issues in the relationship can amplify your anxiety, as these underlying tensions resurface when you’re left waiting.
3.  Testing Boundaries: Sometimes, you might decide to wait for them to call to see if they care enough to reach out. This “test” can create significant stress as you await their response.

How Unresolved Conflicts Amplify Anxiety

Unresolved conflicts in your relationship can significantly exacerbate your anxiety. These conflicts might stem from:

•   Misunderstandings: Past misunderstandings that were never clarified can linger in your mind, causing worry and insecurity.
•   Unmet Needs: If your emotional needs have not been addressed or met, waiting for a call can remind you of this unfulfilled aspect of the relationship.
•   Communication Issues: If communication has been poor or inconsistent, the lack of a call can feel like a continuation of this pattern, heightening your anxiety.

Strategies to Cope with Anxiety

Dealing with this anxiety involves both understanding your attachment style and adopting practical strategies to manage your emotional response:

1.  Practice Grounding Techniques: Engage in deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation to calm your mind and body.
•   Deep Breathing: Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat until you feel calmer.
•   Mindfulness Meditation: Focus on the present moment, observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
2.  Stay Busy: Distract yourself with activities that you enjoy. Exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends can keep your mind occupied and reduce anxiety.
3.  Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself of your worth and value outside of the relationship. Use affirmations to boost your self-esteem and reinforce your self-worth.
4.  Set Boundaries: Clearly define your emotional boundaries and communicate your needs openly with your partner. Let them know how their communication habits affect you.

5.  Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings. External support can provide perspective and emotional relief.

6.  Limit Contact: Reduce your dependency on your partner’s actions for your emotional well-being. Focus on building your self-reliance and self-love.

7.  Professional Help: If your anxiety feels overwhelming and persistent, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can offer strategies and therapies to manage anxiety effectively.

Feeling anxious and physically unwell while waiting for your partner’s call or text is a challenging experience, often linked to an anxious attachment style and unresolved conflicts. Understanding the roots of your anxiety and implementing strategies to cope can help you regain control over your emotions and improve your overall well-being. By focusing on self-care, healthy communication, and addressing unresolved issues, you can reduce the impact of these distressing feelings and build a stronger, more secure relationship.