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My Subconscious Mind Spoke to Me Through Dreams and Reality

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This morning, while I was in a half-awake, half-asleep state, I experienced a vivid visualization. I saw black dirt clinging to my body and slowly falling away. It felt like a mix of imagination and dreaming. As the dirt cascaded off, I experienced a profound sense of relief and renewal. This powerful image deeply resonated with me, as if my subconscious was signaling a significant transformation happening within me.

The Weight of Nightmares

For the past few weeks, my dreams have been filled with intense emotions—rage, revenge, and pain. Each night, I found myself entangled in scenarios where anger and hurt dominated my experiences.

One recurring dream involved a confrontation with a man where heated arguments would escalate into physical altercations.

An illustration depicting my recurring dream where a man is hurting me during a heated confrontation. The scene captures the intense emotional turmoil and physical conflict, reflecting the distress and tension of the situation.

In another dream, I found myself in a dark, abandoned house, seeking revenge against unseen enemies who had wronged me.

An illustration depicting my dream where I find myself in a dark, abandoned house, seeking revenge against unseen enemies who have wronged me. The eerie atmosphere, broken furniture, and ghostly figures enhance the sense of suspense and tension, reflecting the intense emotions of the dream.

These dreams left me feeling drained and troubled upon waking. Despite trying to find peace during the day, my nights were a battleground of unresolved feelings. The themes of my dreams seemed to reflect a deep-seated inner turmoil, where my subconscious mind was grappling with feelings of betrayal, injustice, and unresolved anger.

Another dream had me trapped in a labyrinthine maze, constantly running from shadowy figures.

An illustration depicting my dream where I am trapped in a labyrinthine maze, constantly running from shadowy figures. The complex and winding maze, along with the eerie atmosphere and ominous pursuers, captures the fear and desperation of the dream.

The sense of fear and helplessness was palpable, leaving me with a lingering anxiety each morning. I also dreamt of standing in the midst of a storm, with violent winds and torrential rain battering me from all sides, symbolizing the chaos and emotional upheaval in my life.

An illustration depicting your dream where I am standing in the midst of a storm, with violent winds and torrential rain battering me from all sides. The scene captures the chaos and emotional upheaval, symbolizing the turmoil and strength within me.

The Turning Point

Yesterday, I made a significant decision for my well-being. I resolved to no longer tolerate behaviors and influences that made me feel bad about myself. It was a commitment to honor my self-worth and prioritize my mental health. This decision felt like a necessary step toward reclaiming control over my life and emotions.

The Black Dirt: A Symbol of Cleansing

The visualization of black dirt falling off my body seemed to symbolize this decision. It represented the shedding of negativity and the release of burdens that had been weighing me down. As the dirt fell away, I felt a sense of liberation, as if I was cleansing myself of toxic energy and making room for healing and positivity. The sensation was almost tangible—I could feel the weight lifting off my shoulders, and my body felt lighter and more at peace.

An illustration depicting me standing in a serene environment, with black dirt falling off my body. The dirt symbolizes the shedding of negativity and emotional burdens, transforming into fertile soil as it touches the ground. I appears liberated and at peace, with a light and serene expression. The background highlights new growth emerging from the fertile soil, representing renewal, healing, and the transformation of pain into growth and positivity.

In my mind’s eye, I saw the black dirt representing the accumulation of hurtful words, harmful actions, and emotional scars. As it fell, the ground around me absorbed it, turning it into fertile soil from which new growth could emerge. This transformation reinforced my belief in the possibility of renewal and growth from even the darkest experiences.

Understanding the Symbolism

The black dirt can be seen as a metaphor for the emotional and psychological grime accumulated from negative experiences and unresolved conflicts. Its falling away signifies a process of purification and renewal. Here are some interpretations of this powerful imagery:

This symbolizes the liberation from emotional and psychological burdens, empowerment, inner healing, transformation, and rebirth.
  1. Liberation from Burdens: The dirt represents the emotional baggage I’ve been carrying. Its removal signifies freeing myself from these burdens and moving towards emotional clarity and freedom.
  2. Empowerment and Control: This visualization underscores my newfound empowerment. By actively choosing to discard what harms me, I am taking control of my life and emotions.
  3. Inner Healing: The act of dirt falling away reflects an internal healing process. It indicates that I am beginning to heal from past wounds and am ready to embrace a fresh start.
  4. Symbol of Transformation: The visualization represents a metamorphosis. Just as a snake sheds its skin to grow, I am shedding these negative elements to transform into a stronger, more resilient version of myself.
  5. Rebirth and Renewal: The falling dirt can also symbolize a rebirth, akin to a phoenix rising from the ashes. It signifies a new chapter in my life, marked by growth and positive change.

Theoretical Perspectives

Several psychological theories can help explain the meaning and significance of my dreams and visualization:

  1. Freudian Theory: Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, posited that dreams are a manifestation of our deepest desires and anxieties, often rooted in childhood experiences. According to Freud, my dreams of rage and revenge might represent repressed feelings and unresolved conflicts that are surfacing in my subconscious. Freud also believed that visualizations and dream symbols often serve as a form of wish fulfillment, where the unconscious mind expresses desires that the conscious mind might suppress.
  2. Jungian Theory: Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, believed that dreams are a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with the conscious self. Jung introduced the concept of archetypes and the collective unconscious. In Jungian terms, the black dirt could symbolize the ‘shadow’—the parts of myself that I have suppressed or rejected. The process of shedding this dirt might represent integrating these shadow aspects, leading to personal growth and wholeness. Jung also emphasized the role of dreams in the process of individuation, where one becomes aware of and reconciles different aspects of the self.
  3. Cognitive Theories: Cognitive psychologists view dreams as a way for the brain to process information and emotions from daily life. From this perspective, my dreams might be a way for my mind to process the intense emotions and experiences I’ve been facing, allowing me to work through them in a safe, symbolic manner. Cognitive theories suggest that visualizations like the one I experienced serve to help the brain make sense of complex emotions and scenarios, promoting mental clarity and emotional balance.
  4. Stress and Coping Theory: This theory suggests that dreams are a reflection of our current stressors and coping mechanisms. The intense emotions in my dreams might be my mind’s way of dealing with recent stress and anxiety. The visualization of shedding black dirt can be seen as a coping mechanism, helping me to manage and release built-up stress. This theory aligns with the idea that visualizations and dreams provide a means for emotional regulation and psychological resilience.
  5. Neuroscientific Perspectives: Neuroscience explores how the brain’s activity during sleep influences dreams and visualizations. Studies show that the brain’s default mode network, active during rest and introspection, might be responsible for the generation of dream imagery and symbolic content. The black dirt visualization could be the brain’s way of creating a visual metaphor for the emotional cleansing process, reflecting changes in neural pathways associated with emotional regulation and stress reduction.

Moving Forward: Embracing Self-Care and Boundaries

This experience has illuminated the importance of self-care and setting healthy boundaries. Here are some steps I am taking to continue this journey of healing and empowerment:

For the mind, body and soul….
  1. Focusing on Self-Care: I am dedicating time to activities that nurture my physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, engaging in creative hobbies, spending time at the gym or spending time in nature, self-care is now a priority.
  2. Establishing Boundaries: I am reinforcing healthy boundaries in my relationships. This involves ensuring that my needs and feelings are respected and that I am surrounded by positive influences.
  3. Seeking Support: I am reaching out to friends, family, and professionals for support. Sharing my experiences and receiving validation helps me navigate my emotions and reinforces my resolve.
  4. Personal Growth: I view this experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflecting on what I’ve learned about myself and my values is helping me build a stronger, more resilient self.
  5. Positive Visualization: I continue to use positive visualization techniques. Imagining myself in peaceful, fulfilling environments reinforces my goals and aspirations, helping me stay focused on my path to healing.
  6. Mindfulness and Meditation: Incorporating mindfulness and meditation practices into my daily routine has helped me stay grounded and centered. These practices allow me to acknowledge and release negative emotions, fostering a sense of inner peace and clarity.
  7. Creative Expression: Engaging in creative activities such as writing, painting, drawing and graphic design has provided a valuable outlet for my emotions. Recently, I have begun incorporating graphic design into my writing, much like this article. Additionally, writing music has become a powerful tool for expressing my emotions and finding inner peace in melodies and lyrics. These creative pursuits allow me to process and understand my feelings, transforming my suppressed emotions into something meaningful and beautiful.

A Journey Towards Inner Healing

The visualization of black dirt falling away was a profound reminder of my inner strength and capacity for healing. By acknowledging and addressing the negativity in my life, I am taking meaningful steps towards a brighter, more empowered future. Each day, I am shedding a little more of the darkness, embracing the light within, and moving forward with renewed hope and determination.

Through this journey, I have come to realize that our subconscious minds often speak to us in symbols and metaphors. By paying attention to these messages and taking conscious steps to address the underlying issues, we can embark on a transformative path of self-discovery and healing. This journey is not just about letting go of the past, but also about embracing a future filled with possibility and growth. Each day, as I continue to cleanse myself of negativity, I am becoming more attuned to the strength and resilience within me, paving the way for a life of peace, joy, and fulfillment.

References

  1. Freudian Theory:
  2. Jungian Theory:
  3. Cognitive Theories:
  4. Stress and Coping Theory:
    • Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer Publishing Company.
    • “Understanding the Stress and Coping Theory.” Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/stress.
  5. Neuroscientific Perspectives:
    • Hobson, J. A., & McCarley, R. W. (1977). The brain as a dream state generator: An activation-synthesis hypothesis of the dream process. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 134(12), 1335-1348.
    • “The Neuroscience of Dreams.” ScienceDirect, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352154617300124.

The Neuroscience of Dating

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(Originally written August 5,2020, 9.35pm)

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Have you ever thought about how active our brains are when we are dating? Attraction can lead to a series of complex brain activities within seconds. Here’s a look at the fascinating science behind it.

Love at First Sight

Alice had a long day at work. It was only 4 pm, but she felt like it was already 9 pm. She was hesitant to stop by the grocery store but was craving steak for dinner, so she went to the nearest store.

While heading to the meat section, jackfruit caught her attention. As she was staring at it, someone said, “Excuse me, Miss, can I pass?” She looked up and saw Bob. Instantly, they felt a connection.

At this moment, light particles (photons) were absorbed by the retinas in their eyes, creating electrical signals that traveled through their optic nerves to their brains. This visual information, combined with other senses, sparked their initial attraction. The occipital lobe, responsible for visual processing, helped them recognize each other’s physical attractiveness. Features like facial symmetry and body language were processed within milliseconds, contributing to their immediate sense of attraction.

As they talked, they noticed each other’s natural scent. Humans, like many animals, release natural chemical signals called pheromones, which can influence attraction. Alice, like many women, has a sense of smell attuned to MHC (Major Histocompatibility Complex) molecules, part of the immune system. She felt drawn to Bob because their MHC molecules were different, which often signals genetic compatibility.

The olfactory bulb, located in the forebrain, plays a critical role in detecting pheromones. When Alice noticed Bob’s scent, the olfactory signals bypassed the thalamus (which usually processes sensory information) and directly influenced the brain’s limbic system, which is involved in emotion and memory. This connection helps explain why certain scents can evoke powerful emotional responses and memories, reinforcing attraction.

Bob’s deep voice also played a significant role in her attraction. Neurologically, deeper male voices are often associated with higher levels of testosterone, which can signal good health and genetic fitness. When Alice heard Bob’s voice, the auditory cortex in her brain processed the sound, and this auditory input activated the reward centers in her brain, including the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the nucleus accumbens. These areas are associated with pleasure and motivation, enhancing her overall interest in him.

    • Bob’s deep voice affected Alice because the auditory cortex processed the sound, linking it to positive attributes associated with masculinity and genetic fitness. This process involves the temporal lobes, which play a role in auditory perception and language comprehension. The brain’s ability to interpret these auditory signals as indicators of a potential mate’s suitability highlights the complex interplay between sensory processing and attraction.

    When Alice and Bob first saw each other, their brains quickly processed visual cues. The occipital lobe, responsible for visual processing, helped them recognize each other’s physical attractiveness. Studies show that features like facial symmetry and body language can be processed within milliseconds, contributing to an initial sense of attraction.

    Alice and Bob’s first date

    They started texting frequently and soon set a dinner date for Saturday night at 7 pm at an Italian restaurant.

    ALICE

    By 6 pm, Alice was anxious. She struggled to decide what to wear and which makeup would match her dress. In her nervousness, she dropped her eyeshadow palette. This anxiety was due to high cortisol levels, a stress hormone that affects brain function and coordination. The hypothalamus, which regulates the stress response, signaled the adrenal glands to release cortisol, preparing her body for a perceived challenge.

    She arrived at the restaurant exactly at 7 pm and instantly recognized Bob. “Oh my God! He looks really good,” she thought. As they talked about their interests and hobbies, Alice found herself increasingly attracted to Bob, thinking he had the qualities she wanted in a boyfriend. This attraction was not just emotional but also deeply rooted in her brain’s neurochemistry.

    Bob looked at Alice intimately, gave her a kiss, and whispered, “You look really good, Alice.” This moment increased Alice’s oxytocin levels, often called the love hormone, which creates feelings of contentment and security. The hypothalamus, which also produces oxytocin, plays a critical role in social bonding and attachment.

    When Alice came home, she couldn’t stop thinking about their date. Her serotonin levels dropped, making her feel obsessive and preoccupied with thoughts of Bob. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood and social behavior. Low levels of serotonin are associated with obsessive thoughts and feelings of longing. Alice’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and social behavior, was influenced by these serotonin fluctuations, enhancing her longing for Bob.

    This longing was driven by high dopamine levels, which activated the brain’s reward system, giving her a pleasurable feeling. Dopamine is crucial for the experience of pleasure and reinforcement of rewarding behaviors. The Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA) is part of the brain’s reward system, associated with wanting, motivation, focus, and craving. When Alice thought about Bob, the VTA released dopamine, which spread to other areas like the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex, reinforcing her feelings of attraction and desire to see him again.

    The nucleus accumbens, often referred to as the brain’s pleasure center, plays a central role in the reward circuit. This area processes the rewarding feelings and reinforces behaviors that are perceived as beneficial, like thinking about or seeking out Bob. The prefrontal cortex, which is involved in complex cognitive behavior, decision-making, and moderating social behavior, integrates these reward signals and influences Alice’s actions and thoughts towards Bob.

    Additionally, the amygdala, which processes emotions, was active in reinforcing the emotional significance of her experiences with Bob. The hippocampus, involved in forming new memories, helped Alice store and recall the positive interactions she had with Bob, further strengthening her attraction.

    Bob

    Meanwhile, Bob was excited too, though he tried to remain calm. He was also experiencing increased cortisol levels due to the excitement of their date. This response is part of the body’s natural fight-or-flight mechanism, preparing him to make a good impression.

    Seeing Alice in a red dress, Bob felt a surge in testosterone, which heightened his sexual attraction to her. This hormone, produced in the brain’s hypothalamus and released into the bloodstream, enhances libido and promotes assertive behavior. The visual stimulus of the red dress likely triggered activity in Bob’s amygdala, a part of the brain involved in processing emotions and arousal.

    Because he was very interested and sexually stimulated, his vasopressin levels rose. Vasopressin is linked to behaviors that promote long-term, monogamous relationships. The release of vasopressin in the brain is associated with feelings of bonding and attachment, reinforcing the connection he felt with Alice. However, when Bob returned home, his serotonin levels dropped, making him feel more passive. Low serotonin levels can lead to feelings of withdrawal and a decrease in mood stability.

    The interplay between these various neurotransmitters and hormones highlights the complexity of human attraction and bonding. Bob’s feelings of excitement and attachment were chemically similar to Alice’s, driven by the same reward and emotional centers in the brain, even if they experienced and processed these emotions differently.

    Alice and Bob’s interactions activated multiple brain regions responsible for processing sensory information, emotions, and reward. Understanding the neurobiological basis of attraction reveals how deeply our emotions and behaviors are intertwined with brain chemistry, reinforcing the profound complexity of human relationships. This knowledge helps explain why we feel the way we do when we’re attracted to someone and underscores the importance of both biological and emotional factors in the experience of falling in love.

    The Second Date

    For their second date, Alice invited Bob to her apartment for dinner. After eating, they moved to the living room to watch a movie. Bob kissed her intimately, which increased Alice’s oxytocin levels by 51%, making her feel closer to him. Oxytocin is known for its role in bonding and attachment, deepening feelings of intimacy and trust between partners. The increase in oxytocin triggered activity in the hypothalamus and was released into the bloodstream, affecting various brain regions associated with social bonding and emotional regulation.

    Bob’s testosterone levels also rose, which can sometimes block oxytocin’s effects, making him feel differently than Alice. Testosterone, produced by the hypothalamus and released by the testes, can dampen the emotional bonding effects of oxytocin by activating different neural circuits. This hormonal interplay highlights the complex neurochemical balance that influences how men and women experience intimacy differently.

    After they had sex, Bob’s vasopressin levels, which are linked to bonding and long-term commitment, initially increased but then dropped. Vasopressin, produced in the hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland, plays a crucial role in social behavior and bonding. This hormone’s fluctuation can significantly impact post-coital feelings and the development of emotional attachment.

    Both Alice and Bob experienced activation in their brain’s reward system, particularly in areas like the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and nucleus accumbens. These regions release dopamine, creating feelings of pleasure and reinforcement. Dopamine, often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, is central to the brain’s reward system and is crucial for the sensation of pleasure.

    The hypothalamus also plays a crucial role by regulating hormones like oxytocin, cortisol, and testosterone, which influence bonding, stress, and sexual attraction. The interaction of these hormones and neurotransmitters in the hypothalamus and their subsequent effects on the brain’s reward and emotional centers underline the complex biochemical foundations of romantic relationships.

    Beyond the Dating Phase

    According to a study by Florida State University, “It’s not just the neurotransmitters that are important; you also need receptors. Neurotransmitters tell your body to build these receptors. You need enough neurotransmitters to create receptors, which are then filled by those neurotransmitters.” This means it takes time for Bob to reach the same emotional level as Alice. The process of developing new receptors in response to increased neurotransmitter levels is part of the brain’s plasticity, allowing it to adapt and strengthen emotional connections over time.

    Neuroplasticity allows for the strengthening of synaptic connections, which is essential for forming long-term emotional bonds. As neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin interact with their respective receptors, they facilitate changes in neural circuits that underpin attachment and love. This process involves multiple brain regions, including the prefrontal cortex, which plays a role in planning and decision-making, and the hippocampus, which is critical for memory formation. These areas help solidify the emotional experiences shared between Alice and Bob, making their bond stronger over time.

    The high levels of oxytocin in Alice’s system made her feel deeply in love. Oxytocin influenced her rational thoughts, making her see Bob as her “soulmate.” The prefrontal cortex, affected by oxytocin, contributes to this perception by enhancing trust and reducing social anxiety, fostering a sense of security and attachment. Oxytocin’s role in modulating the activity of the amygdala, which processes fear and emotional responses, further supports the reduction of anxiety and the enhancement of social bonds.

    However, Bob didn’t feel the same way yet. His emotional responses and bonding processes were still developing, influenced by different hormonal and neurotransmitter levels. The delay in emotional synchronization between Alice and Bob can be attributed to the gradual process of receptor development and neural adaptation required to achieve similar levels of emotional attachment.

    Just a Thought…

    Was Alice really in love, or was it just the oxytocin affecting her autonomic nervous system? Understanding the chemical reactions in our bodies when we are dating can help us see that love is both a biological and emotional experience. The autonomic nervous system, particularly the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches, regulates physiological responses to emotional stimuli. Oxytocin’s influence on the autonomic nervous system can induce relaxation and reduce stress, contributing to feelings of love and attachment.

    Understanding these processes can shed light on why we feel the way we do when we’re attracted to someone. It’s a combination of sensory input, emotional responses, and hormonal changes that create the complex experience of falling in love. Sensory input from visual, auditory, and olfactory cues interacts with the brain’s reward and emotional centers, creating a rich experiences that drive attraction and bonding.

    This challenges the old saying, “Love conquers everything,” or perhaps we should say, “Don’t let oxytocin conquer you.” By appreciating the intricate interplay of neurochemistry and emotional experiences, we can better understand the nature of romantic relationships and the biological foundations of love.

    References

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    2. Wedekind, C., Seebeck, T., Bettens, F., & Paepke, A. J. (1995). “MHC-dependent mate preferences in humans.” Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 260(1359), 245-249. DOI: 10.1098/rspb.1995.0087
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    4. Trowsdale, J., & Knight, J. C. (2013). “Major histocompatibility complex genomics and human disease.” Annual Review of Genomics and Human Genetics, 14, 301-323. DOI: 10.1146/annurev-genom-091212-153455
    5. Penn, D. J., & Potts, W. K. (1999). “The evolution of mating preferences and major histocompatibility complex genes.” The American Naturalist, 153(2), 145-164. DOI: 10.1086/303166
    6. Ziegler, A., & Kentenich, H. (2011). “MHC and mate choice in humans: A review.” Psychoneuroendocrinology, 36(1), 1-21. DOI: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2010.08.026
    7. Roberts, S. C., & Little, A. C. (2008). “Good genes, complementary genes and human mate preferences.” Genetica, 134(1), 31-43. DOI: 10.1007/s10709-008-9253-0
    8. Fisher, H., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2005). “Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice.” The Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58-62. DOI: 10.1002/cne.20772
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    10. Savic, I., Berglund, H., Gulyas, B., & Roland, P. (2001). “Smelling of odorous sex hormone-like compounds causes sex-differentiated hypothalamic activations in humans.” Neuron, 31(4), 661-668. DOI: 10.1016/s0896-6273(01)00390-7