All posts by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen

Non-Negotiable Pact

Tonight, as I stood in my kitchen, the soft glow of warm light and the familiar hum of cooking turned into a moment of stillness and reflection. In the calm of that space, I found myself thinking deeply about what truly matters to me. Beyond the rush of everyday routines, beyond the demands and distractions, I realized that life feels most meaningful when it’s centered around certain core values—values that act like anchors, steadying me through every experience, every choice, every moment of growth.

In that quiet moment, I made a promise to myself. I decided that, moving forward, three qualities would be non-negotiable in my life: empathy, respect, and accountability. These are more than ideals; they’re commitments to myself. They remind me that my well-being is worth protecting and that my journey deserves to be guided by principles that reflect my deepest values. These non-negotiables are like a compass, helping me stay true to who I am and creating a life that’s grounded, peaceful, and fulfilling.

Here’s why empathy, respect, and accountability matter so deeply to me, and how they shape the way I move through the world.

1. Empathy

Why It’s Essential: Empathy is the ability to step outside of my own experiences and imagine life through someone else’s eyes. It’s more than kindness; it’s a deep connection that fosters understanding and validates emotions. In a world where connections can often feel rushed or surface-level, empathy brings a sense of depth and presence, a feeling of being fully seen and understood.

In Practice: Choosing empathy means actively cultivating an open heart. It means listening fully, not just with my ears but with my attention, with my whole self. Empathy allows me to hold space for the diversity of human experience, to recognize that we all carry our own joys and challenges. It’s about showing up without judgment, meeting others and myself with compassion, and allowing that understanding to shape my actions.

For me, empathy is about emotional honesty. It’s a way of creating a safe and supportive space, not just for others but within myself. When I live with empathy, I feel more connected to the world around me, aware of the ways we’re all interwoven. And that sense of connection, of shared humanity, makes life richer and more meaningful.

2. Respect

Why It’s Essential: Respect is the foundation of all positive interactions and experiences. It’s about valuing boundaries, honoring differences, and recognizing the unique worth of each individual, including myself. Respect isn’t just about politeness or decorum; it’s about fostering a sense of dignity and appreciation in every interaction. It acknowledges that every perspective holds value, and that honoring these differences is what creates harmony.

In Practice: Prioritizing respect means nurturing an environment where each person feels valued for who they are, where individuality is celebrated, and where boundaries are honored. This commitment to respect starts with me; it’s about learning to trust my own boundaries, to speak up for my needs, and to treat myself with kindness.

Respect is also about creating a space where others feel safe to express themselves. It’s a commitment to seeing people fully, to letting go of judgment, and to understanding that kindness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. When I live with respect, I feel empowered and grounded, knowing that I am honoring both myself and those around me.

3. Accountability

Why It’s Essential: Accountability means taking responsibility for my actions, showing up with consistency, and being willing to grow. It’s the glue that holds empathy and respect together because, without accountability, intentions lose their weight. Accountability creates trust, showing that I am committed to learning from my experiences and to becoming a better version of myself with each step forward.

In Practice: Living with accountability means owning my actions, both the good and the challenging. It’s about recognizing when I make mistakes, reflecting on how I can improve, and following through on my promises to myself and others. Accountability keeps me grounded and honest, reminding me that my words and actions matter and that I am always capable of positive change.

For me, accountability is about showing up consistently and authentically, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s a reminder that growth requires honesty, that meaningful change is a journey, not a quick fix. And this willingness to take responsibility, to learn, and to evolve creates a sense of stability and self-trust that guides me through every part of life.

A Guiding Force for Living Fully

These three non-negotiables—empathy, respect, and accountability—are more than just values. They’re a reflection of my self-worth, of the life I want to lead, and of the person I strive to become. They’re boundaries that protect my energy, keep me connected to my true self, and remind me of the importance of living with intention and integrity.

Tonight, I made a quiet promise to myself in the comfort of my kitchen. I decided to carry these values forward in everything I do, trusting that they will help me create a life that is genuine, peaceful, and full of meaning. Because I deserve a life that honors my journey, reflects my worth, and helps me grow into the best version of myself. By choosing these qualities, I am not only shaping the life I want to live but also becoming the person I want to be.

Singlehood: A Gift for Myself

Last Friday at work, an unexpected question sparked a profound moment of reflection. I was sharing a lighthearted break with a colleague, flipping through funny pictures and laughing. We were caught up in the joy of the moment when another coworker entered, noticing our amusement and grinning playfully. “Are you guys looking at your dating apps?” she teased, clearly aware that we were both single.

Her comment added to the laughter, but then she turned to me and asked, “So, are you dating anyone?”

The question took me by surprise. I felt my cheeks warm as I stammered, “I’m not ready yet.” A simple answer, but those words reflected a much deeper truth about where I am in my life. It was a reminder of the choice I’d made to fully embrace singlehood—not as something to change or escape from, but as a deliberate, valuable gift to myself.

In the past, I might have felt pressured to fill my single status with dating, as if relationships were the ultimate sign of progress or happiness. It’s a common cultural narrative, the idea that we are more complete in a partnership. But I’ve come to realize that, for me, singlehood is a time of self-discovery, growth, and stability. Psychologists often speak about the importance of developing a strong sense of self before entering a relationship, and I’ve seen firsthand how true that is. By building a life that reflects my values, I’m setting a foundation that feels authentic and deeply fulfilling, with or without a partner.

Psychologically, this journey has been transformative. Studies in positive psychology emphasize that true happiness comes from living a life aligned with our core values, not from external validation or relationships. This period of singlehood has given me space to explore those values and nurture the things that genuinely make me happy. Instead of focusing outward on what a relationship could bring, I’m investing inward, creating a life that is rich, meaningful, and fully my own.

Embracing singlehood also allows for a kind of self-compassion that’s easy to overlook in the hustle for companionship. I’ve learned to be gentle with myself, to prioritize my needs, and to practice self-love in ways that were harder to see before. Research on self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff highlights how important it is to treat ourselves kindly, especially when we feel vulnerable or alone. In choosing to focus on my own well-being, I am practicing a kind of self-respect that I hope will lead me toward relationships that enhance rather than define my life.

And perhaps most importantly, I am no longer afraid of being alone. This journey has given me the freedom to let go of fears and insecurities that once drove me to seek validation in others. I now know that my worth isn’t tied to a relationship status; it’s tied to how I live, how I care for myself, and how I pursue my dreams. If my future is one of singlehood, I am at peace with that. And if someone comes along who values and respects the life I’ve built, then they will be a welcome addition, not a necessity.

This mindset shift, from seeing singlehood as a temporary phase to embracing it as a gift, has brought a kind of joy and fulfillment that I hadn’t expected. I am learning to love my own company, to savor the small moments, and to create a life that feels truly “me.” Psychologists like Carl Rogers have spoken about the importance of self-actualization—reaching our fullest potential. For me, singlehood has been a path toward that potential, a time to focus on becoming the best version of myself without distraction.

Of course, there are moments when the comfort of companionship seems appealing. But I am learning to differentiate between the longing for connection and the desire for true partnership. By valuing myself and my time, I am laying the groundwork for relationships based on mutual respect and shared values. Psychologically, this is a crucial step: building a secure attachment to ourselves creates the kind of emotional foundation that can support healthy, fulfilling connections when they come.

If someone does come into my life who appreciates the person I’ve become and the life I’ve created, that will be a beautiful addition. But for now, singlehood is a chapter I am fully embracing. It’s a time of intentional growth, of building a life that reflects my dreams, and of realizing that I am whole on my own.

I am proud of the life I am building and the person I am becoming. This gift of singlehood is not about avoiding love but about creating space for the right kind of love—love that aligns with who I am and where I’m going. And as I walk this path of self-worth and resilience, I know that I am no longer settling for anything less than I truly deserve. That, to me, is the ultimate beauty of singlehood—a gift of self-love, strength, and freedom that I am grateful to give myself.